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01 March, 2012 | 18:26 | 0 comments
I guess this is the only way to express my inner feelings out ? seriously , i admit i have change , for the worst i guess . for the past few days , i've become someone who are totally opposite of the real me , ive become pessimistic in all the things i do and have this tendency to gave up even though it has not even started . to be honest , i am tired of everything . yes , i am depress . and you know what ? my split personality is making it worse . im tired of facing the same routine every single day , hurting my ownself and ruining my own happiness . you know what hurts ? when you have to pretend to be fine and happy and helping out their problems even though its against your wish . everyday , i cried . i have officially lost my happiness . im currently living in the dark world , full of horror and darkness . where is the light ?
my results , it drop . i have to wake up and face the fact that N level is only FOUR months away , yes on my birthday . i have to achieve my aim which is to score 8 points for N level . i cant disappoint my teachers and family who always have high hopes pin on my and higher expectations . i hereby lost focus in class , always living in my narrow dark world , worrying about other people when they dont give a fuck on me . im tired of giving in . have you guys ever thought about my feelings and my happiness ? have you ? have you guys even care about me ? i sacrifice my happiness twice for the same old hag . seriously , i had enough . sometimes , i just feel like leaving you people . i always have this feeling that ever since i enter you people life's especially eeyore , im like a burden to you . sigh :\
dear eeyore ,
if you are reading this , im truly sorry . this is why i wanna leave you yesterday . i had enough of hurting you without my self awareness . im truly sorry . i dont want to be a burden to you . i dont want your best friend and your friendship to be affected because of me . i dont want my little eeyore to be hurt :( it ache me deeply . sometimes , i feel as if you are happier without me in your life , without my presence . i should just leave right ? yes i have promise you but ... :\ seriously , you have been the best . you have been my advicer , my listerner , the one who always make sacrifices for me . yes , i admit , you are very important to me , little eeyore . you can say i have other people and dont need you and etc but no , its already the fact that i have privatised you in my life . maybe you dont realise this but deep down , i really care so much about you . i tried my very best to make you happy but i fail . i know you are very disappointed in me , for leaving you just like that today . i should just have endure . im truly guilty , guilty for everything , guilty that you are hurting because of me . seriously eeyore , i should just leave your life . you are hurting because of me . i cant believe im crying while typing this out . i sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything . you have change my life eeyore , you are my happiness . no one have ever understand me so much like you seriously . sigh . im sorry for everything eeyore :(
p/s : pooh miss eeyore and is feeling extremely guilty now :( |
